Wally Wombat wobbled up the path from Charlie’s Bar,

Mixing drinks was one thing, but they’d taken this too far;

Numb all over, couldn’t feel the ground beneath his paws,

Would have fallen over if he wasn’t on all fours.

Murdoch Mouse used squinted eye to try and see one hole,

Get inside and straight to bed, that was his only goal;

Trouble was, as he approached his house it came alive,

One hole? Not tonight, poor drunken Murdoch could see five!

World War Three had started in the head of Terence Toad,

Three steps forward, two steps back, he blundered up the road;

Hoping hard his wife was fast asleep, he rubbed his eyes,

Trying hard to concentrate, invent tomorrow’s lies.

Freddie Ferret flinched as prickles stabbed him with their pins,

Lost in his own forest! Should have never drank those gins;

Now they were to haunt him, and his feet were getting sore,

Ow! He knew that prickle bush, he’d felt it just before!

Billy Badger burped and pungent memories came back,

Creme de Menthe and Fluffy Ducks – he laughed a drunken quack;

Games get out of hand, who put the cookies in the jar?

Fun it seemed, but somehow all the guys had gone too far.

Was it Melvin Mole who put the schnapps into the beer?

Samuel Squirrel dancing in a bra, now that was queer;

Using Peter Possum as a dartboard wasn’t right,

Still, the evening rolled along without a single fight.

Ronald Rat had told a joke that everybody knew,

Never hit the punch line, had to run outside to spew;

Everybody laughed to hear him gurgle, retch and choke,

That was so much funnier than some old smutty joke!

Oscar Otter (Esquire) thought his head was falling off,

Craving for cigars but knew he dare not risk a cough;

Why were all his fingernails a striking shade of pink?

(wait till he undressed and found the G-string lined with mink!)

What a night! Old Charlie locked the doors and gave a sigh,

Friendship was a quality that money couldn’t buy;

Opening up the till he threw away the IOUs,

Never could he bring himself to charge his friends for booze.

As he lay upon his bed, old Charlie gave a laugh,

Man, the guys played up last night, a party and a half!

Swigging from an ancient bottle, from his secret stash,

Sleepy thoughts turned to tonight – and Barney’s Birthday Bash!

More of my FUNNY POEMS here