Teenage mutant ninja dwarves just stole my wallet!

I dunno. I’m in this Hollywood movie and then...you’re asking questions!

Never, EVER scream at voice activation software!

I was eating an acorn, in my oak tree, then POOF!

Nothing. I fall of roofs all the time. It’s my job.

That tree just jumped in front of my car!

I was riding along on my bike, and then there WAS no bike – but I was still riding...

I dreamed I was in a plane crash, and I wasn’t asleep!

I just killed twelve people who asked “what happened?”

My doctor advised me to fall from ladders!

I’m in love with a paramedic and this is how we meet!

My wife tried a murder/suicide thing...luckily, she did the wrong one first!

I was trying to re-create the big bang – and I did!

What? Didn’t you book “trash a lounge room” for today?

It’s fine ma’am. Your son has admitted he’s from the planet Cooxmz...

Biker gangs have no sense of humour these days!