When aliens abducted me, I didn’t worry much,

I took along my mobile phone, so I could stay in touch,

I rang my wife from Betelgeuse, and told her what occurred,

she said: “A likely story!” then hung up without a word.

I phoned the men at NASA and I told them where I was,

they said I lied - I couldn’t be in outer space because

the signal they received was strong, the microwaves complete,

besides, they’d traced me to the mobile tower up the street!

Near Epsilon, I rang my boss, informed him of my fate,

he sounded rather skeptical, and told me: “Don’t be late –

there’s lots of work today and all our stocks are running low,

if you’re not here by nine o’clock I’ll have to let you go.”

Polaris looked quite lovely as we passed it by at speed,

I rang my best mate Neville, but the bum was high on weed.

“You’re calling me from outer space? You’re up there in a ship?

This latest stuff’s the coolest, man, it’s like an acid trip!”

We landed on their planet and they put me in a zoo,

it’s been a month, they treat me well, there’s nothing much to do,

I still phone Earth quite often, they won’t rescue me until

somebody gets an interstellar million-dollar bill!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here