The critics said the movie was unreal,

and guaranteed to make a grown man cry,

I walked up to the booth and did a deal,

I swapped the man a ticket for my tie.

On Thursday night my landlord came around,

he wanted two months rent arrears from me,

it’s lucky that he loved my Afghan hound,

we did a deal and now I live rent-free.

A guy came to the door the other day,

he said I needed his insurance plan,

I quite agreed and signed up right away,

the premium: my stainless frying pan.

I took a taxi cab to KFC,

the driver was a black man from Zaire,

he looked like he could use a meal to me,

I took him out a snack box for the fare.

The waitress didn’t seem to like my style,

insisting that I pay my bill in cash,

she looked like she could really use a smile,

I paid her with a half a gram of hash.

The other day I went to see a shrink,

he told me I was drinking too much scotch,

his fee was fifty bucks, I caused a stink,

he settled for my old Bugs Bunny watch.

A real old-fashioned circus came to town,

my friends and I were broke and couldn’t go.

but then I made a contract with a clown,

he got my shoes, we saw the midday show.

This Wall Street crisis could be over now,

I bet that I could make the crashes stop,

they need to listen – I can show them how:

Don’t pay for stuff with money – simply swap!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here