I thought about it, then I had a little laugh inside,

we've come so far, and even learned to fly,

but, all train tracks are four feet eight and one-half inches wide,

so I was left with just one question: Why?

We got them in from England, they're the same width over there,

they got the size from tramways in the street,

so we just followed suit and set 'em down all straight and square,

just jump right in and make that line complete!

The tramlines were that breadth because of wagons (they're the same)

the wheelwrights had their jigs already made,

the covered wagons all came from the standard railway frame,

ask anybody who's been in the trade.

The frames were made that size because of wheel ruts in the roads,

that's right, they had to fit them in the ruts,

those English lanes were rough, and wagons carried heavy loads,

you had to be exact, no ifs or buts!

The ruts were made that size by Romans, with their Legionnaires,

invading Mother England (as you do),

their chariots were pulled by horses, harnessed up in pairs,

they left the ruts as they went driving through.

So what decided chariots, and how wide they would be?

The answer's there in history's magazine:

the standard width for chariots in forty-three BC,

was what two horses' rumps would fit between!

So, next time you are on a train, crammed like a sardine can,

it's all because you're traveling third-class,

the train you're in is obsolete, built to an ancient plan.

designed because of some old horse's ass!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here