I staggered to my office desk this morning, rotten drunk,

the boss walked past and gave me dirty looks,

I yelled: “You’re fat and lazy, and a low-down stinking skunk –

and guess what – I’ve been fiddling the books!

“Your secretary’s pregnant – what’s that, bastard number five?

I know about the other chicks you screw,

I’ve hacked your office laptop, seen what’s hidden on your drive,

your wife would cut your balls off if she knew!

“You took those supermodels down to Mexico last year,

then had to see the doc when you got back,

I’ve read your little love notes to that female auctioneer,

and found your stash of aphrodisiac!

“The Sanderson account is gone, I called them useless schmucks,

they couldn’t sell an olive to a Greek,

and by the way – I want a raise – let’s say ten thousand bucks,

I lost a fortune at the track last week!

“And don’t think you can lecture me, I’m not some new nymphet,

I’ve heard your stupid Sermon on the Mount,

besides, I’m off to find a bar, in my new red Corvette,

the one I booked to my expense account!”

You could have heard a pin drop, all the staff were gobsmacked bad,

the boss walked up to me and said: “By Gum...

you’ve got a bloody nerve, my boy, it’s lucky I’m your Dad,

now, let’s not breathe a word of this to Mum!”

more of my FUNNY POEMS here