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  Stag Party funny cowboy poem by Australian poet Graeme King ©kingpoetry2008.

The funny sequel to MEN'S BUSINESS


The stage coach driver said: "Are you sure, ma'am?

The town of Stag don't welcome pretty girls,"

she turned to face him, answered: "Yes, I am!"

Her nodding head adorned with golden curls.


He left her near McGinty's general store,

and knew he'd never see this girl again,

so many, like this one, had come before

to Stag - the deadly town of jilted men.


She saw a town of saddened, lonely lives,

a hotel and a cafe, both run down,

the sign atop the blacksmith said: "No Wives!"

A woman's touch was needed in this town!


She pushed the bar doors open, stepped inside,

a dozen men, some cards, piano noise,

they turned and stared at her, mouths open wide,

she smiled and murmured sweetly: "Hello, boys!"


A dozen cowboys drew, she hit the floor,

and came up with a six-gun in each hand,

she rolled and shot, then rolled and shot some more,

things didn't go the way the men had planned.


Each time she shot, another gun would fly,

so fast it made the cowboys look so slow,

the last man clutched his fingers with a cry,

she put her guns away, "I said Hello!"


She bought them all a drink and made a toast:
"To lonely men who'd like another start,

those men who wrestle with a female ghost,

and need a new romance to cure their heart!"


The gambler cleared his throat - the sheriff sighed,

the old man in the corner loudly spat,

another do-good female would-be bride,

well, they were cured of women - that was that!


She said: "We'll have a hoedown boys, tonight!

I'll bring in all the females, just you wait,

we'll drink and dance and make a little noise,

I guarantee each one of you a mate!"


By eight o'clock the men were drunk and loud,

the undertaker said: "Well, I won't dance!

I've lost my heart before and I have vowed

to never give another girl a chance!"


The cowboys chorused heartbreaks by the score,

it seemed that their resolve was hard and clear,

just then the blonde came striding through the door,

"Get ready, fellers, all your dates are here!"


The barber said: "A look won't break our backs,"

"Okay," the blacksmith said, "we'll take a peep,"

They walked outside and stopped dead in their tracks -

the street was full of little woolly sheep!


We won't go into how's and when's and why's,

but jilted men need female loving too,

at first the men were taken by surprise,

then one by one they hooked up with a ewe.


That hoedown was a huge success all right,

as cowboys and their lambkins had a ball,

they drank and danced and partied through the night,

and no one had a broken heart at all.


The pretty blonde is now the Lady Mayor,

she's split the district into farming blocks,

each cowboy at the hoedown got a share,

and now they stay at home and tend their flocks!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here

Original pictures by Graeme King ©Kingpoetry2008  BACK to TOP

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