The time at last had come, the day was here,

the sun was out, and clouds would stay away

from this enormous meet, held every year:

St. Bonkers Annual Mad Olympics Day!

To booming echoed beat of brass and drum

the Grand Parade of athletes marched on in,

the Principal then welcomed everyone,

then led the anthem: "Let the Maddest Win!"

The first event was "Frisbee Custard Pie"

a team of two - one waited underneath,

the other threw it up into the sky

then both were meant to catch it with their teeth!

The "Lizards up the Kilt" event was run,

but one contestant almost died of shock -

a prankster, in a fit of schoolboy fun

had somehow smuggled in a baby croc!

The "Rattler Relay" started at the school,

each lap would take them once around the lake,

then pass on to the next St. Bonkers fool,

oh yes - the relay baton was a snake!

The "Pastry Pole Vault" always knocked 'em dead,

the bar was garlic loaf made by the nuns,

each jumper had to jump and clear the bread

then fall into a pit of currant buns!

Across the oval, things were heating up,

the "Barnyard Shot-put" judges scored a ten!

apparently, one athlete threw a pup

that hit the ground a full-grown mother hen!

The "Rissole Rowing" started with a gun,

the creek behind the school was at high tide,

unfortunately, there was too much sun,

the rissoles and the rowers all got fried!

A scandal hit the "Ping Pong Volleyball"

one player touched the ball - a fatal sin,

the referee was loath to make the call,

the rules, you see, were all in Mandarin!

The "Cowboy Kayaks" caused a stir, of course,

competitors were battered, bruised and hurt,

to balance - in a kayak - on a horse

is rather hard, and many bit the dirt!

Events were held, the afternoon wore on,

and over in the gym they vied for gold,

the "One Arm Wrestling" matches fought and won,

with "Toenail Twist" the biggest scoring hold.

The last event came on - it was a ball,

the "Monkey Marathon" was made to please,

they weren't allowed to touch the ground at all,

and raced the course by swinging through the trees!

The day was over, medals had been earned,

the Principal was thrown into the pool,

next year the Mad Olympics would return,

and grace the grounds at old St. Bonkers school!

 More of my FUNNY POEMS