I stayed out
late again last night - the wife was not amused,
she used the
words "divorce" and "drunken bum,"
I vowed to
quit my poker games and give up on the booze,
she heard me
out, and then went home to Mum.
at the bar I drank my sorrows clean away,
and my thoughts were full of foam,
I'd think up
something special - prove that I was still okay,
she'd come on back and live at home.
To show her
I was keen and my intentions really good
I'd have to
do some special thing, myself,
said that I was handy with a bit of wood,
said she'd like a kitchen shelf.
A sign up on
the hardware store, a "Special Sale" it said,
I gasped at
all the screws they had on show,
I bought a
dozen different types, with every kind of thread,
and then a
voice beside me said: "Hello."
I turned and
saw the hardware man, a stocky little guy,
the name tag
on his jacket said: "I'm Nate"
"You getting ready for a little D.I.Y?
It's lucky I
was here to set you straight!"
right," I said, "it's just a shelf - not much at all,"
he shook his head and clutched his heart,
will be a special thing up on that kitchen wall,
masterpiece of do-it-yourself art!"
He walked me
round the store and loaded things into a bag,
have a level - or a plumb,
hammer so that I could use a special sprag,
I nodded so
he wouldn't think I'm dumb.
glue to fix the brackets to the special plank,
saw to cut it really fine,
sander with a special sawdust-catching tank,
chalk to draw the fixing line.
I thought we
had enough but then we needed finish coat:
labeled: glossy, clear and lush,
special goggles, air mask, gloves and antidote,
stirrer and a special brush.
We headed to
the checkout with two trolley-loads in tow
like to think about the bill.
"You're very lucky, this is Specials Week you know"
and rang and rang up on the till.
bucks was hefty for a shelf, I didn't care,
divorce would cost a whole lot more,
I got back
home and saw a real estate sign standing there,
a man with
tools was playing with the door.
She'd put it
on the market? Well, if that just don't beat all,
well, when I
make that shelf she'll change her view,
might make a special little hat rack for the hall,
even build a barbecue!
said: "All the locks are changed, your missus has some pull,
this is a
special record, by the way:
a house for
sale, a contract signed and cash paid out in full,
shebang - all done - in just one day."
I said, "she got the cash? The papers have been signed?"
"She told us
you were really very nice,
you gave the
house to her so she would not be in a bind,
she sold it
for a very special price."
I cried, "But I was heading home to put things right,
to show her
I'm quite handy when I try,"
for that, she flew out on the Acapulco flight,
she found a special guy!"
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