I bought my
cat a pirate hat and called him Mr. Smee,
we stole a
ship from Liverpool and headed out to sea,
winds sailed us into waters men have never seen,
with a mountain belching smoke of emerald green.
in a sapphire cove, the sun set ruby red,
goodnight to Mr. Smee and staggered off to bed,
of buried riches had me caught within their trap,
I woke and
drank a quart of rum, then drew a treasure map.
breakfast, Smee and I went over plans that I had made,
into the beach armed with our map and trusty spade,
paces north we stopped and dug a hole to test,
the clunk of
steel on timber said that we had found a chest!
We loaded it
on board and Smee was keen to take his share,
but I knew
much of pirate life and warned him have a care,
who had killed for this would conjure Satan first,
then bury it
at midnight - every treasure chest was cursed!
of prudence I got stinking rotten drunk,
we sang a
song of wealth untold, I staggered to my bunk,
and woke to
find my door was locked - this must be mutiny -
chest had sunk its claws in poor old Mr. Smee!
take me long to pick the lock and get outside,
upon the deck the chest was lying, open wide,
were scattered everywhere, the curse was active now,
I shook my
head in silence - then I heard a sad meow.
Smee all right, I haven't any doubt of that,
creature looking very little like a cat,
he had no
flesh - just skeleton - bad magic had occurred,
this Hell's creation rubbed against my leg and purred!
stand its evil touch and kicked it in the neck,
split from the body and it rolled across the deck,
laugh came from its mouth - the sound of Hell and more,
I threw it
hard, it smashed in pieces on my cabin door.
started walking, it was Satan's instrument,
feline skeleton, with murderous intent,
I grabbed a
big belaying pin - bashed each and every bone -
heartbeats later I was sobbing - and alone.
back home to England and retired from piracy,
I settled in
the Cheshire moors, and shunned society,
a vegan diet
does me now, no meat or flesh or fat -
eat any bones I taste that bloody cat!
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FUNNY POEMS here