I hired myself a slave to do my bidding,

then wrote a list of jobs to undertake,

he read it – laughed – and then proclaimed: “You’re kidding!

I’m not allowed to work whilst on a break!”

So, thirty minutes later I went looking,

I found him – asked him please prepare a meal,

he said he couldn’t handle any cooking,

it wasn’t in his latest union deal.

I went upstairs and found the bathroom dirty,

the towels were on the floor, a sodden bunch,

I showed him but he said it was twelve-thirty,

and time for him to take an hour for lunch.

That afternoon I sent him out for shopping,

he told me that he couldn’t – I was floored!

No washing, wiping, making beds or mopping,

it seems that they were not in his award.

He didn’t know what pouring out the tea meant,

and wouldn’t do it even if he knew,

apparently it’s in his work agreement,

I couldn’t even teach him how to brew.

I wish now that I hadn’t gone and hired him,

as contract-wise, he’s very businesslike,

it’s been two years, I wish I could have fired him,

but I can’t sack a worker who’s on strike!

 more of my FUNNY POEMS here