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I microwaved
my cell phone on a stormy Sunday night,
it seemed a
good idea at the time;
when
lightning struck it melted in a sparking pool of white
and lay
there like a living lump of slime.
I waited for
the smoke to clear then gave the door a wrench
and reached
in with some tongs and pulled it out;
a throbbing
lump of silicone, I lay it on the bench,
a tiny
copper wire began to sprout.
Another wire
began to grow, like some magician's trick,
then other
bits decided to escape,
they grew in
tight formation, ordered by arithmetic -
a circuit
board was slowly taking shape!
Amazed, I
watched it pulse and grow, and snake up on the sill,
the kitchen
window soon was covered green;
it stayed
within that rectangle, and metamorphed until
it turned
into a plasma TV screen!
I sat down
on a chair and watched its surface glow and twitch
as pixels
formed and settled into place,
it finished
all its movement so I pushed the power switch -
the screen
dissolved into a giant face.
"Hello to
planet Earth - my name is Kroxz from planet Grout,
I send you
happy greetings from your moon,
I've watched
you for a while and I'm about to wipe you out -
in fact,
tomorrow - in the afternoon!
"I have a
brand-new weapon and I've come to end your days,
my microwave
high voltage space combat
with rom-based
sim card guidance and high voltage laser rays
will fry
your Earthling butts in seconds flat!
"I don't
know why I'm sending you this message, 'cause you see,
there's none
of you will hear a word I say -
you don't
have any simcard micro-rom technology,
I felt the
need to tell you anyway!"
I stared in
fearful horror at this harbinger of doom,
this alien
would see us Earthlings fry;
I pressed
the button marked as mute - a hum went through the room,
a beam of
lightning ripped into the sky!
"Disturbance
on the Moon" the headline news had said that night,
they put it
down to seismographic stress,
but I knew
what had happened, it had turned out quite all right:
I'd saved
the planet from another mess!
more of my
FUNNY POEMS here
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