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  Pub Crawl - a funny, ribald poem by Australian poet Graeme King. Mick and Murphy devise a plan for free Guinness. ©kingpoetry2008.

You can download this flash spoken poem. Right-click HERE and choose SAVE AS.

So Murphy said to Mick: "I'd really like a pint of beer,

but all we have's one dollar coin," and Mick said: "Give it here -

I have a little plan a roguish uncle told to me,

you wait right there, me boyo, we'll be drinking soon - for free!"


He ducked into a butcher shop, and came out with a bag,

inside: a big red sausage, Murphy cried: "A bloody snag?

Might I remind you that we do not own a barbecue?"

"Be still," his mate replied, "and I shall tell you what we'll do."


They walked into a pub, Mick said: "Two pints of Guinness, please,"

they quickly drank the beers, then Murphy got down on his knees,

then Mick unzipped his trousers, and the sausage flopped right out,

as Murphy started sucking it, they heard the barman shout!


He threw them out, of course, no thought of asking them to pay,

"Begorrah, mate," cried Murphy, "we'll do this all bleedin' day!"

They walked into another pub, their acting worked a treat,

a lovely pint, a sausage suck, then thrown into the street!


They sat there in the gutter, after hotel number ten,

"Oh Mither," Murphy said, "I'm way too full to drink again,

my knees are getting sore as hell from kneeling on the floor,

let's call it quits for now, my boy, I can't drink any more!"


"That's fine by me," said Mick, "I've had me fill of Guinness now,

there's something that perhaps I should have told you anyhow -

I'd like to thank you, Murphy, you're a real good friend, you see,

I lost the bloody sausage back at hotel number three!"


more of my FUNNY POEMS here

Original pictures by Graeme King ©Kingpoetry2008  BACK to TOP

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