“Order!” shouted lobster as a loud-mouthed limpet swore,

“Hurry up,” said ghost crab, “I’ve a date up on the shore,”

Shellfish gathered for a meeting, full of disbelief,

Yet another rumor had been floating round the reef.

Conch had heard from winkle (and told pipi shell, of course)

News had spread upon the tide: a brand new seafood sauce!

Oysters shivered in their shells, and baby scallops cried,

Crayfish waved a sign that said “The reef is suicide!”

“Who’s this guy called Heinz?” asked abalone in a huff,

“Yeah,” said prawn, “aren’t fifty-odd varieties enough?”

“I say War!” cried oyster, “all crustaceans must unite!

Ring the bells across the swells to come and join the fight!”

"Why should they have bouillabaisse?" asked cockle to his mate,

"Surely they are satisfied with meat upon their plate?

We should be the only ones to taste this scrumptious dish,

Humans? Ha! We owe them nothing, let them all eat fish!"

“Let’s invade the supermarkets!” squirted univalves,

“Toss this dreaded tartare stuff from all their stinking shelves!"

“Patience,” bawled a beche de mer, “we need to hear much more,

Who amongst you hotheads ever ventured up on shore?”

“I did,” said a fiddler crab, “at first the beach was grand,

Met my wife at low tide on a little spit of sand;

Then the people came...with spades...” the others watched him wince,

“Whipped my wife into a bucket, haven’t seen her since!”

“Me too,” moaned a mussel. “I was happy on a rock,

All my friends lived with me, then one afternoon, a shock!

Someone came along and ripped them right out of our home,

Luckily they missed me, I was bathing in some foam.”

“Brothers, we have heard enough!” cried triton shell, “It’s war!

Join us now, you shellfish, we will fight with tooth and claw!”

Everybody gave a cheer, and mud crab paused to gloat,

Coral shrimp yelled out “Oh dear, I think I hear a boat!”

“Silence!” yelled a giant clam, "let's plan this tricky phase,

Hands up those with weapons" not a claw or hand was raised.

Trawlers netted all of them, without a single sound,

Find them at your seafood store, eleven bucks a pound!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here