I bought a talking parrot from the pet shop,

it knew three languages, apparently,

the man assured me it would prattle non-stop,

I took it home - I needed company.

It sat upon its perch in gloomy silence,

I wanted conversation, needed more,

a word or two, no need for oral brilliance -

I went to see the man back at the store.

"He could be rather frightened, feeling terror,

his first day from the shop, and oh so young,

I think you ought to buy this little mirror,

a friend is what he needs to loose his tongue."

That must be it, a friend that he can talk to,

I'd quite forgot about the parrot's age,

they like some other bird that they can squawk to,

I put the little mirror in his cage.

Four days - he never said a single sentence,

I went back to the store, said with a frown:

"You sold that parrot to me under pretence,

he hasn't said a single verb or noun!"

The man said: "Well, that isn't so surprising,

all birds are usually flying, on the wing,

he simply needs a little exercising,

you'd better buy this ladder, and this swing."

I took them home, the parrot better thank me,

I'd spent a lot of money on this pet,

he sat there on the swing and stared out blankly,

I wish that I had learned to be a vet!

Two days went by, and then I had a brainstorm,

the parrot was an anti-sociopath,

he needed cleaning, just like in a rainstorm,

I went and bought the little guy a bath!

A week went by, I went back to the dealer,

"So how's the bird?" he asked - that's when I cried:

"Unless you know a voodoo zombie healer

he's terrible - the little bugger died!"

"That's awful," said the guy, "then I'll refund you,

or choose from all our other talking birds,

I don't want you to think that I have conned you,"

"Oh no," I moaned, "it said some parting words."

"At last," he said, "You see, I wasn't lying,

and every pet I sell is guaranteed,"

I said: "its final words as it was dying

were: 'Don't that goddam pet shop sell bird seed?'"

more of my FUNNY POEMS here