Tom Tom piper’s son

Too lazy to catch his own

stole my bloody pig!

Little Bo Peep you

need to get your mind off him

the sheep have gone, dear...

Little Boy Blue, you

know what to do: take one pill

call me tomorrow...

Simple Simon – Please!

No more pie talk, you loser!

Show me the money!

Bye baby bunting

your daddy’s gone a-hunting

Mum says gun laws suck!

Mary had a lamb

The gynecologist was

bloody astonished!

Pussy cat, pussy

are you still frightening mice?

you heartless bastard!

Hickory dicker-

Eee I think it’s his ticker!

Someone call the Doc!

Little Jack Horner

needed remedial school

would have had NO thumbs...

Three blind mice, sorry,

you are visually impaired?

Carving Knife – get ‘em!

Rock a bye baby

Treetops all gone for firewood?

Sorry about that...

Wee Willie Winkie

Take notice of emails marked

“Penis Enlargement”

Twinkle twinkle, star

You’ll never win an Oscar

Coz you won’t swallow.

Jack and Jill were gay

The rhyme is a metaphor –

“Up the hill” - get it?

London bridge fell down

Never give your house plans to

British architects.

Humpty Dumpty’s fat

That’s the reason he went splat

King’s horses – for that?