Well he turns up the TV, and lets the phone ring,

It don't bug his missus, she can't hear a thing;

No she never complains, you may think that they're queers,

But it's really quite simple, his wife's got no ears.

He can swear when he wants to, and make heaps of noise,

While she sleeps he plays poker downstairs with the boys;

And she never wakes up, so the guys have no fears,

It's a party all night - coz his wife's got no ears.

Well I know it sounds funny, but they're both used to it,

And he plays when he feels like, on his big drum kit;

And he rings up his girlfriends, yells: "I Love you, my dears!"

It's a wonderful life, when your wife's got no ears.

He can come home at midnight, in a huge drunken fog,

Sing the National Anthem, and trip over the dog;

And he snores like a grampus, and he has done for years,

Coz it just doesn't matter, his wife's got no ears.

Then he'll call up a mate, who turns up for the day,

And they turn up the volume, playing karaoke;

And they do ACDC, and nobody hears,

You can do anything, if your wife's got no ears.

Well one day he got shitfaced, and acted real strange,

and he transformed the lounge room into his rifle range;

Ane he shot out the TV while he downed a few beers,

But nobody took notice, his wife's got no ears.

So if you must get married, just get hold of a knife,

and then go cut the lugs off, your new darling wife;

Coz the pain won't last long, and she'll soon dry her tears,

You'll live happily ever after, coz your wife's got no ears!