My underpants are ganging up to kill me

Unless I watch myself, I'll soon be dead,

Revolving doors now have me on their hit list,

Demanding ransom - else they'll have my head!

Elastic bands are in on this arrangement -

Remind me not to venture from my bed.

Methinks I'd better watch it in the kitchen,

Upon the bench my toaster lies in wait,

Reporting information to the blender

Denying me my breakfast on a plate.

Exactly what they're after I'm not sure of,

Receiving grave predictions of my fate.

Malicious rumors fly around my laundry,

Untimely disappearances of socks,

Revealing something sinister afoot there

Destruction of my handkerchiefs and jocks.

Enticing me to wear a beggar's squalor,

Retire into a poor Pandora's box.

Malignant televisions sit and taunt me

Unwanted scenes of sorrow and dismay,

Remote controls are plotting for my downfall

Deciding what to stop and what to play.

Embargos by my entertainment system

Routinely interrupt my trying day.

Mundanely I await assassination,

Usurpers underneath my bed, I know,

Relentless picture frames will be my ending

Do you not see them all and think it so?

Each time you read the words upon my tombstone

Remember what I said - I told you so!

 more of my FUNNY POEMS here