"Carob on your corn flakes, darling? (God, her skin is bad)

Try to cut your sugar down (exactly like her Dad...)

Listen to your Mother, I have been around, you know!

(hurry up and get to school, I'll miss the Springer Show).

"Hello dear, it's Mummy, I can't pick you up today.

Catch a bus my baby girl (well, what else can I say?)

See you soon (I hope it's not TOO quick - I love his tongue)

Don't you talk to boys (my God - my baby's far too young!)

"Holy Christ! (forgive me Lord, but Jesus, that was nice)

See you later Anton (can't believe we did it twice)

Hello honey, how's my girl? (my panties are so wet)

Straight upstairs to homework dear, you've such a lot, I bet.

"Hurry dear, it's time for church, we don't want to be late,

Here's a dollar, this time sweetie, put it on the plate;

Listen to the sermon please, it's sent to us from God

(Holy Crap - that choir boy on the end's a handsome sod!)

"Come and help me in the kitchen dear - we need to speak,

See? I found your diary (God, that Ricky leaves me weak)

All this time behind my back? (I must be bloody blind)

Thought I had a daughter but a sleazy slut I find!

"We'll discuss this later (José wants to be alone)

 Let me have your laptop, and I'm cutting off your phone;

Go to bed this instant (good, she's looking quite bereft)

You're a shocking daughter, dear, that's why your Father left!

"Wash your mouth out! Darling, please recall what Jesus said

(Oh my God, Antonio's sensational in bed)

Kiss your mum goodnight, my sweet, don't swear at me again

(Raphael will be here soon...I know I'll feel good then!)"

more of my FAMILY POEMS HERE