I bought a ride-on mower, as my grass was getting tall,

it sported lights, a catcher and a guard,

in seventh gear it zipped along, I really had a ball,

it only took an hour to mow the yard.

Surveying all my handiwork I gave a little cheer,

my jungle now was lawn - hip, hip hooray!

It called for celebration, so I went to find a beer,

alas, I drank the last one yesterday.

I drove my Chevy to the bar to satisfy my thirst,

a dozen beers went down so easily,

I took another dozen home and opened up the first,

my wife got mad and hid my Chevy key.

When number twelve had disappeared I headed out for more,

that bar was only seven blocks away,

and then I saw the ride-on through the open garage door,

I never favored walking, anyway!

So down the street I hummed, I'd set the blades right up to high,

the traffic lights were green, I sailed on through,

a giant Winnebago honked its horn as I went by,

I smiled - my finger told him what to do.

I bought the beer and headed home, as it was getting dark,

I didn't fancy mowers out at night,

but just as I was going past the entrance to the park

I heard a siren - saw a flashing light.

I turned into the park, the cops behind me, closing fast,

the people stared at this amazing show,

I had to venture off the track, or else I wouldn't last,

I hit the lawn - where cars can never go.

I drove onto the grass and gave a finger to the cops,

I figured I had won, but then - alas -

the motor started giving out a lot of bangs and pops,

then stopped quite dead - I'd run it out of gas!

A surly sergeant walked up with his hand upon his gun,

his backup was two burly boys in blue,

he growled: "I reckon that you're in a heap of trouble, son,

the Judge'll probably throw the book at you!"

I smirked: "I wouldn't bet on it - you ugly fat old toad,

you can't get me for anything, old mate,

my ride-on's legal driving any street or any road,

it has - you fool - a registration plate!"

The sergeant said: "Is that right, son?" and grinned just like a shark,

"I reckon that I'll jail your scrawny ass,

it costs the city money for the lawns in this here park,

you see that sign? It reads 'KEEP OFF THE GRASS!'"

more of my FUNNY POEMS here