I crushed a sugar ant that I caught grazing,

a million of his mates were killed as well,

declaring war, I came out all guns blazing,

and helped them on their way to insect hell.

I keep my garden free from moths and mayhem,

my shed is full of chemicals I buy,

if any bugs come trespassing, I spray them,

and laugh to see their antics as they die.

 No birds come round here now, as they’re not welcome,

I felled my trees so none of them could hide,

then shot them with a mix of lead and talcum,

and giggled as they fluttered down and died.

The neighbors’ cats and dogs have been my pet hate,

and for a while there, things were rather tense,

until I left out little piles of rat bait,

then smiled and hung their bodies on the fence.

They charged me, said I was a contravener,

the Judge looked at my age and set a fine,

he called it merely social misdemeanor,

protecting all the property that’s mine.

I fortified my yard again this morning,

with booby traps and bad surprises too,

I like to be alone, so heed my warning,

and don’t come near my place, or I’ll get YOU.