Once I threw a spider in the blender,

Instant goo and eight legs all asunder,

Prayed I’d be forgiven for my blunder,

Overture came back “Return to Sender.”

Then I thought I may as well go hunting,

Halfway up the mountain I was panting,

Standing on the summit loudly ranting,

Why should nature’s beauty be confronting?

Joined the chess club. thought I’d be a master,

No one liked my nom-de-plume “The Jester”

Or that I insisted on siesta,

Seemed to me it helped the game go faster.

Forcing myself to be mathematic,

So that I could join my friends politic,

Somehow I became too analytic,

Tossed out from the club “He’s too erratic!”

Several times I’ve tried to be religious,

Read of crown of thorns and rock of ages,

Seems that disbelief can be contagious,

Faith - who knows, beliefs are so prodigious.

Never married, guess I was too choosy,

Finding faults in lovers, I was crazy,

Wine can make bad memories turn hazy,

Now I live alone, in my Jacuzzi.