A mousie lives under my bed,

He eats all the crumbs from our bread,

You think I should trap him

And snap him and zap him,

But I call him Michael instead.

I have a pet cane toad named Zack,

With warts dotted over his back,

He’s as ugly as hell

But he copes with it well,

His friend is a froggie called Jack.

They live near the tap where it’s wet,

They love it in summer, I bet,

You cannot go wrong

With a tongue two-feet long,

You can eat all the flies you can get.

Sammy snake, living under the house,

Wants a meeting with Michael the mouse,

But Mick is so wary

Cos Sammy’s so scary,

I hope that the mouse uses nous!

Poor Eric the spider is scared

That his web will be swept away, bared,

I’ve not cleaned that wall

Since last year, in fall,

(And he thought that nobody cared!)

Cleaning the house is a chore,

You can scrub till your knuckles are raw

But I have devised

A plan bold and wise

With cockroaches cleaning my floor.

In an awfully rare fit of pique

My centipede left home last week,

With my floor of concrete

And a hundred sore feet

He was off to soak them in the creek.

I once had a beetle named Pete,

The nicest insect you could meet,

But my Mum couldn’t see

He was lovely to me

And she turned him adrift in the street.

I find it incredibly funny

That people with plenty of money

Will hire in a man

With a huge fly-spray can,

Just because there are flies in the dunny!

I’ll stop now, I don’t want to bore you,

But listen to me, I implore you:

Please watch where you stand,

Mice, frogs, bugs all demand

Some respect, Hey! They’re cleaning up for you!