There’s a feeling that I’ve had of late,

That I ought to find myself a mate.

Many times I’ve been out on a date,

I think it’s love and try to tell them straight…

Always they decide we’ll have to wait,

Is it me? Or is this quest too great?

Here I stand, not feeling very great,

Have I left my marriage run too late?

When did I decide that I could wait?

Was it words of wisdom from a mate?

True love’s highway isn’t very straight,

Read my diary: Same thing – different date!

Just last month I planned a lovely date,

Restaurant, soft lights – it would be great!

Toasted to myself – six vodkas, straight;

Woke at midnight – rang her – Ow! Too late!

She had found herself another mate,

Once again, my heart would have to wait.

My analyst says I should learn to wait,

Proposing isn’t smart on the first date;

I know that he tries to be a mate,

We have “cuddle” sessions and it’s great,

Somehow, though, his cuddly hands of late

Make me wonder if the guy is straight…

After work today I’m heading straight

To Biloxy’s bar and there I’ll wait,

Even if I have to stay till late

I know I can find another date;

By that time all women will look great!

Watch my strategy of love – check mate!

That’s my story: searching for a mate,

No more stalking, now I must go straight;

The magistrate berated me – Oh great!

Said I had to stop and learn to wait;

My headstone will read, next to the date:

“Baited fate, but shut the gate too late!”

Hey, wait! You rate! So how about a date?

Eight? Damn straight! Now don’t be late,

Cut straight to the chase – will you be my mate?