The preacher had turned rather red,

the bride and the groom were in bed!

Their honeymoon night

had started, all right -

as soon as the vows had been said!

The vicar said: "Do you take Carol -

to honor and treasure her, Darryl?"

A gruff, angry voice

yelled: "He has no choice -

as long as I point this gun barrel!"

Photographers called out: "Say Cheese!"

and buzzed round the couple like bees,

the groom disappeared

and they thought it was weird

he was under her dress - on his knees!

The bride threw her floral bouquet

but somehow it went the wrong way

it fell in the lap

of a very nice chap

who received three proposals that day!

"The preacher gets drunk at the wedding!"

or so said the newspaper heading

the Bishop was shocked

the Priest was de-frocked

and now sells vibratory bedding!

Confetti rained down on the docks

the rowing team toasted their Cox

his bride was so young

that she poked out her tongue

that's when they began to throw rocks!

The wedding was going as planned

and then things got way out of hand

the bride's former guy

pulled a gun and let fly

it turned into Custer's Last Stand!

The presents were not worth that much,

merely toasters and tea towels and such,

but the bride thought them fine,

and she made a huge sign:

"All these presents are mine - so don't touch!"

This wedding was different, for sure

the bride was in white, and looked pure,

but her husband-to-be

worked in compost sales, see

so the guests all threw lumps of manure!

The speeches were bawdy and rude

the bridesmaids were hot - like the food

the MC no fool

his number one rule:

To be there you had to be nude!

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