The train stopped and punches they flew
the orchestra all joined in too,
the saxophonist said:
"I want that guy's head -
He just used my horn for a loo!"
A schoolboy I tutored to once,
said: "Yes, I'm a bit of a dunce,
I fail everything,
but hey - I can sing,
and play three mouth organs at once!"
A guy told a girl she was cute,
she took him to bed, which was beaut!
But he couldn't last
and ended too fast
so he finished her off with his flute!
A Wurlitzer player from Stawell
had broke down in tears in the hall,
he sobbed: "It's not fair
that man over there
remarked that my organ was small!"
A fight in the orchestra pit,
the maestro was having a fit:
"I need to feel proud,
with percussion that's loud -
so I want those kettle drums HIT!"
A drummer was talking one day,
said "Women are like drums to play,
you bang 'em all night,
and then, when it's light,
you pack 'em and put 'em away!"
A cellist went busking to eat,
and set herself up in the street,
she got lots of stares
playing Beethoven airs,
with the bow held between her two feet!
The opera opened with flair,
as the maestro wowed everyone there,
no baton was flayed
as the orchestra played,
he led it by swinging his hair!
While fiddling, Paddy was bitten,
he threw the thing down, yelled: "I'm smitten!"
McGhee said: "Be strong,
come, finish the song,
your attacker was merely a kitten!"
A bassist in a band was heard to say:
"I wrote another symphony today!"
The drummer calmly said:
"I'd be happier, instead
if you would spend that time to learn to play!"
The wedding had a harpist on the side,
she strummed the Bridal Waltz - the couple cried,
but came the time to go,
they refused to pay her dough,
and she used it as a weapon on the bride!
Three fairly-new guitarists formed a group,
the youngest one was such a nincompoop,
he said: "I'm getting bored
'cause we only know one chord,"
"That's why," the others said, "we're called F Troop!"
back to MAIN LIMERICKS INDEX