Me and my newest mate, Ringo
Went to the church to play bingo
The priest said: "Oh dear
He's not allowed here"
I replied: "Why? What's wrong with a dingo?"

A Kiwi called Evan McGoo
Looked into the eyes of his ewe
Her Mum and Dad cried
As he made her his bride
(They hoped he would marry them, too!)

A goldfish swims round (as they do)
Its life is a circle, (or two)
No one see the scale
on his fins and his tail
He dies and gets flushed (down the loo)

A carrot? Why not a potata?
And pumpkin and beans, and a grater
We'll cook up a stew
Call it "Veal Cordon Zoo"
And feed it to my alligator!

My sex life is tawdry and tainted
My women are ugly and painted
The problem, of course:
I'm hung like a horse
I once showed a stallion - he fainted!

A lady whose morals were loose
One evening shacked up with a moose
She didn't feel bad
Because of her Dad
Her Father, you see: Doctor Zeuss!
 

Limericks main index