The courtroom rose, I turned and saw His Honor striding in,

the black robes seemed so filled with misery,

his smile could crack a walnut and his eyes were black as sin,

I wished I hadn't made that guilty plea!

He banged his gavel, cleared his throat and fussed with legal books,

the man liked everything to be in place,

and then he gave me one of those "I Hate Lawbreakers" looks -

I knew he saw the terror on my face.

"You've pleaded guilty to this charge - a heinous one, I say,

do you have any words in your defense?

Mind you - you may not waste the courtroom's precious time today,

you did the crime - now face the consequence!"

I shook my head, I couldn't speak, my mouth was far too dry,

my mind awhirl with dark satanic fears,

he banged his gavel, said: "You're lucky I'm a Christian guy -

I'll only sentence you to seven years!"

The crowd all gasped, the bailiff leaned and whispered in his ear,

I stood there catatonic, in a haze,

"Apparently," his Honor said, "I can't give you a year...

the maximum is only thirty days!"

Now I don't dare to sleep, my cell-mate thinks I'm rather sweet,

he looks just like the monster shark in Jaws...

think twice before you light a cigarette up in the street,

they have these bloody brand-new smoking laws!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here