Titus turned to Claudius and said: "This isn't right!

It cost us twenty ducats each to see this Tuscan fight,

I thought that he would slay a dozen Christians - maybe more,

but now he's lost his weapon and his future's looking poor!"

A gladiator's strength lies in his choice of killing tool,

this young man stood there weaponless, a handsome, helpless fool,

then murmurs sped throughout the Coliseum, cheering loud,

as Hunkus took his toga off and waved it at the crowd!

"By Odin's beard," said Titus, "such a thing I've never seen!"

The senator from Phobos turned a sickly shade of green,

but forty thousand Roman women watched, and pledged their heart,

they saw that Hunkus got his name from one huge body part!

 

He wielded this huge weapon, swung it like a deadly mace,

a dozen Christians fell to ground, they sent more in their place,

a brave one tried to fight but Hunkus donged him on the head,

two devastating minutes, and they all were lying dead.

The women cheered quite madly, but their husbands' heads were bowed,

they'd never seen a fight by one so physically endowed,

no need for sword or trident, Hunkus simply stood his ground,

and wiped out all his enemies by spinning round and round!

Then Titus yelled out: "Cheat!" and all the Roman men agreed,

they'd seen the women smiling, this was what they didn't need,

their wives were quite demanding, and the men folk rather small,

this Hunkus would be trouble, so he had to take a fall.

Centurions surrounded him, the crowd was hushed and still,

the men all nodded knowingly, and waited for the kill,

but Hunkus looked into the stands, then turned and showed his bum -

and pandemonium broke out as Caesar raised his thumb!

It's sad that Hunkus never made it into history's fame,

a search of Roman fighting men will not reveal his name,

a legionnaire dispatched him - not so dead as much as quit,

they'd found his one Achilles heel: a circumcision kit!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here