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Stumble It!
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REDDIT ME:
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©kingpoetry2007.
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HO HOLYMPICS
by Graeme King
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SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING: 7 girls all trying
to drown at the same instant
SHOT PUT: the main reason hand grenades aren't made heavy
HANDBALL: the adjustment of of a male swimmer so he looks good in his
speedos
RELAY RACE: a long distance covered by short people
JAVELIN: an excuse for white guys to act like natives
POMMEL HORSE: a specialized spinning of the testicles around two very
hard handles
SLALOM: the Swiss army version of "left-right-left"
COXED PAIRS ROWING: three people, two row - one doesn't - you tell me!
DISCUS: throwing a six-pound frisbee
BREASTSTROKE: the only legal way left to do it
LUGE: lying backwards on a dinner plate and trying not to die
HOCKEY: sort of like teams karate, but with sticks
BANTAMWEIGHT BOXING: packaging very small eggs the fastest
SKI JUMP: a good way to prove that Newton was absolutely correct
TRIPLE JUMP: for entrants that can't do the long jump very well
HIGH JUMP: the only place you can flop and still come out a winner
100 METRE BUTTERFLY: OMIGOD! Run for your life!!!
BALANCE BEAM: a device designed to scare men who watch the event
40KM WALK: like sticking a grapefruit up your ass and trying to run for
a bus
WEIGHTLIFTING: a valid reason for the existence of steroids
EQUESTRIAN DRESSAGE: trying to make your horse look as snooty as you do
BOBSLED: a legal way to commit suicide with your friends
ONE METRE SPRINGBOARD: a high diving event for acrophobics
AERIALS: a contest to see who gets the best TV reception in the
mountains
NORDIC COMBINED: once every four years when Sweden and Norway agree with
each other
ARCHERY: a bridge-building contest
ICE HOCKEY: a sport that interrupts a great fight
ICE DANCING: do the lutz...or be a klutz!
WATER POLO: where horses are trained to hold their breath
BADMINTON: where they compete with very stale hot lollies
FENCING: a silly contest to try and pen the judges behind wire barriers
AIR PISTOL: a sport invented when air guitar was deemed too "silly"
OPEN SHOTGUN: the medal goes to the cleanest empty weapon
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Original pictures by Graeme King
©Kingpoetry2007 BACK to TOP
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