I taught a horse to yodel – quite a feat,

he learned a most amazing repertoire,

we’d sing while riding slowly down the street,

he left me for a cowboy with guitar.

I coached a rowing team made up of ants,

they won the big regatta at the zoo,

it’s sad they never got another chance –

a careless keeper flushed them down the loo!

I taught orangutans in East Rangoon,

then moved on up to ape, then chimpanzee,

from there I helped gorilla, then baboon,

I had to leave – they started training me!

I tutored crocodiles in violin,

the jungle swamps would echo with their wails,

they really couldn’t play – just made a din,

but got straight A’s for knowing all the scales.

I showed a pig some magic for a laugh,

he did his tricks in working clubs in York,

then went too far and cut a girl in half,

his final big illusion: roasted pork!

I lectured several llamas in Brazil,

they all got PhD’s and moved away,

too late I found they’d left me with the bill,

I’m still there working off the debt today.

You may well think that I’m a crazy man,

and people label me a silly fool,

but truly, now I’m much more saner than

the time I was a teacher in a school!

 more of my FUNNY POEMS here