browsing through a drug store magazine the other day
I saw an ad
for actors with the skill to conjugate,
the word was
new to me, but what a super rate of pay -
I wrote the
number on my arm and figured this was fate.
I’d done a
bit of acting, I was Romeo at school,
I didn’t get the kindest of revues,
really mean to stab that poor kid in the duel,
on, regardless of the pool of blood, and boos.
At home I
rang the number, it was answered by a bloke,
I told him I
had talent, he replied I sounded good,
he said to
come tomorrow, and be sure to bring some coke,
I went to
bed a happy man, and dreamed
I bought some
Coca Cola at the local corner store
then drove to
the address I had, a street down by the docks,
with a tattered sign: “Blue Chip” above the door,
I combed my
hair and cleared my throat, then gave it three hard knocks.
to hear, I pushed the door and went inside,
a blonde sat
at a typewriter, she looked so young and cute,
I stood there
like a statue, and my eyes were staring wide –
the blonde was
rather pretty, and was in her birthday suit!
She told me
not to worry, this was normal uniform,
were shooting, all the staff went nude all day,
she stood and
walked around the desk, and things got rather warm,
but when she
bent to get a file I fainted clean away!
I woke up
feeling groggy, someone asked if I was right,
I kept my eyes
shut tight until the dizziness had gone,
I couldn’t see
much anyway, so brilliant was the light,
the only thing I knew was I had
next to nothing on!
I lay upon a
bearskin rug, a loincloth round my waist,
a camera crew
was watching, every one of them was nude,
I looked at
all the nakedness, and felt my heartbeat race,
I had to keep
my cool, or they may label me a prude.
A guy then
yelled out “Action!” and I heard a camera whirr,
girls came in, and neither one had on a stitch,
playing with my knee, and gave a lusty purr,
asked me if I’d be a doll and scratch her itch!
My hands were
shaking as I put my arm around her waist,
I tried to get
into the scene, I couldn’t simply watch,
she pushed my
head into her lap and said: “Here – have a taste!”
finished with my knee and headed for my crotch!
I jumped up to
my feet so fast the loin cloth hit the floor,
the camera man
applauded, and the two girls aahed and oohed,
I didn’t wait
to hear it, but went racing for the door,
I drove too
fast, the blue lights flashed, they caught me in the nude.
Tomorrow I get
out of jail, it’s been a stressful year,
long-term criminals have made my life forlorn,
I don’t know
how it started, but they all thought my career
stud – a full-blown megastar of porn!
more of my
FUNNY POEMS here