Choosing to be
great at golf, I bought a golfing book,
Bashing balls for
megabucks without a slice or hook?
Balance, grip and
leave the wife was Faldo's claim to fame,
Golf clubs branded
"Great White Shark" would guarantee my game.
Bought some DVD's
and copied Gary Player's stance,
Tiger taught me how
to wield a three wood like a lance;
Johnny Daly's trap
shot tricks were magic in the sand,
Days went by - my
U.S. Open rookie tour was planned.
Shoes by V.J. Singh
and cap as worn by Arnold P.
Putter nine feet
long and autographed "Trevino, Lee"
Balls designed by
laser beams ingrained with extra spin,
Grabbing all my
brand new gear, I headed off to win.
"Rookie gets a wild
card" was the headline of the day,
Clad in purple
plus-fours, striding to the first to play;
Teeing up, I swear
I saw a golden bear walk by,
Swung my club, the
crowd all gasped, then gave a sorry sigh.
Later on, I sat in
silence, getting drunk on wine,
Broke the old
course record of eight hundred ninety-nine;
Paparazzi chased me
and the phone rang off the wall,
Same old message:
"Tell us if you ever hit the ball!"
FUNNY POEMS here