The bodies in my basement are a problem, I suppose,

I really ought to bury them, it's true,

but man, I really loved them cats (though now they're on the nose)

I'll put it on my list of "things to do."

My fridge is full of fungus and it drives me up the wall,

I cleaned it out last year and it was fine,

there's really not much in there - only two dead hounds is all -

I liked them dogs, so use it as a shrine.

My fish tank's full of faeces and I don't know what to do,

the glass is going green, the water's gray,

the fish have died, so what the hell's the cause of all the poo?

I should have thrown the carcasses away!

The parrot cage is putrid and he's looking rather ill,

a seedy-looking specimen of bird,

I promised that I'd feed him lots of food - but not until

he comes up with the monthly secret word!

The ant farm in my drawing room is full up to the top,

the occupants have nothing much to do,

they multiply so fast - next week I'll go down to the shop

and buy myself a nice anteater too!

It's always nice to have a pet to share your highs and lows,

a friend who'll be there right throughout your life,

but lately I've been thinking, maybe one day soon, who knows?

I may go out and get myself a wife!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here