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I bought a
brand-new lure the other day,
at ninety
bucks the price was rather steep,
but I was
heading far out in the bay
where all
the biggest fish lurked way down deep.
Apparently
it had a chip inside
that changed
according to the time of year,
it
calculated moon and wind and tide
then made
the sounds that fishes love to hear.
I revved the
boat and headed out to sea,
the sky was
blue, a smile lit up my face,
this
afternoon, a mackerel or three
would be the
start of one big bouillabaisse!
I had the
gear to help me catch a whale,
my
forty-dollar gaff shone like a pin,
my landing
net (just fifty bucks on sale,)
and thirty
dollar sunscreen on my skin.
My GPS
announced that I was there,
I looked
around - it had that "fishy" feel,
I strapped
myself into my fighting chair,
at seven
hundred bucks it was a steal.
I tied the
lure onto my high-tech line,
at fifty
bucks well worth it, so I hear,
one hundred
breaking strain but whisker fine,
in water
turning absolutely clear!
My rod and
reel had cost an arm and leg,
titanium and
graphite - extra hard,
the only one
in stock - I had to beg
and almost
maxxed my platinum master card.
I took a big
deep breath and let her rip,
I cast out
hard and said a silent prayer,
the
sunscreen on my fingers made it slip,
my rod and
reel went sailing through the air!
It hit the
water, splashed the boat and me,
a great big
fish appeared and grabbed the lure,
it flicked
its tail and headed out to sea,
the last I'd
see of that rig, that's for sure!
I grabbed an
oar and lashed out at the boat,
not caring
of the mortgage and the loans,
the next
thing that I knew I was afloat -
the boat was
sinking down to Davy Jones!
I floated in
the sea for seven days,
my teflon
jacket worth its weight in gold,
the current
towed me round the waterways,
till Coast
Guard found me half-alive and cold.
I sold my
story to a magazine,
they paid a
hundred grand for movie rights,
Tom Cruise
played me up on the silver screen,
how cool to
see my name up there in lights!
I don't go
out to sea these days - would you?
I'd rather
keep my feet right here on shore,
and if I get
a craving for fish stew
I have it
home delivered from the store!
more of my
FUNNY POEMS here |
