When I was young, the heroes all wore white and never died,

they saved the day and rode off with a song,

but nowadays they’re emo – sad and dark, and crazy-eyed,

poor victims of their DNA gone wrong.

The bad guys used to dress in black and sport a dark moustache,

they’d treat their women mean and cheat and lie,

the modern villain wants the world – not simply loads of cash,

and somehow they just never seem to die.

When Hopalong rode into town the bad guys did their worst,

but Hoppy sent them packing every time,

today the hero needs to get a shrink’s assessment first,

to make sure he can tolerate the crime.

The Cisco Kid would laugh and shoot as he raced on his horse,

and Pancho would applaud his smoking gun,

the hero now is single, traumatized by bad divorce,

and doesn’t want no help from anyone.

Roy Rogers entertained us all when I was in my teens,

Gene Autrey sang and won his share of dames,

they used their guns – no mutant magic needed in their genes,

and women’s hearts were all that burst in flames.

Cheyenne would never freeze the air, he’d shoot and have a ball,

the Rifleman had fingers, not steel knives,

Lone Ranger with a massive chest and green and twelve feet tall?

that surely would have traumatized our lives.

These freaks can bend like licorice sticks, and shoot electric rays,

but kids have short attention spans – and how!

We still remember all our heroes from our childhood days,

I bet that they won’t – not fifty years from now!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here