AEROBATICS: using a fly swatter

AMPHITHEATRE: a room in hospital for removing limbs

ANTAGONISM: the pain an insect feels when you step on it

APOCALYPSE: a cold sore on the mouth

AROMATIC: a cross-bow

BAGATELLE: an airport x-ray machine

BALLISTICS: how many home runs a batter has hit

BATHYSPHERE: a phobia against personal hygiene

BEATITUDE: when you feel a buzz

BLUNDERBUSS: transport that takes you to prison

CANNIBALISM: professional tennis

CARCINOGENIC: describes a baby conceived in the back seat

CARTOON: a song played while you're driving

CATATONIC: a pick-me-up drink for your pet

CELEBRITY: a shopping channel TV host

CHROMIUM: a raven-flavored dessert

CONUNDRUM: electronic percussion

CRANIUM: a dessert made of pureed stork

CRIMSON: a kid whose Dad's in prison

CRISIS: a very sad nun

CRYOGENIC: when your Father was a sook, too

DE-ACTIVATION: the closing of a Broadway play

DEBUT: an insomniac ghost

DELICATE: sliced ham

DEMARCATION: cleaning graffiti from walls

DESCRIPTION: using an eraser

DICTION: yelled by a soldier to gain an erection

DIDDLY SQUAT: when Flanders goes to the loo

DIVINATION: sharing a defeated country after a war

ENCYCLOPEDIA: an on-board toilet device for Tour de France entrants

EPICENTRE: a South African comedy club

ESPIONAGE: guessing how old someone is

EUTHANASIA: Chinese teenagers

EXERCISE: what she used to weigh

EXPEDIENT: the shortest route to the toilets

FABERGE: a French egotist

FARCICAL: a long-distance bike

FINLAND: the Pacific Ocean

FLUCTUATION: haggling with a Chinese prostitute

FUNCTIONARY:  a book of puzzles

HALITOSIS: when your feet are freezing

HARBINGER: a drunken comedian

HEDONISTIC: a choc-ice treat for cannibals

HERRING: a Benedictine monk's coiffure

HIBERNATION: a bush fire in Tibet

HIMALAYAS: transexual roosters

HURRICANE: a device used by shepherds to make sheep move along faster

HYPNOTISM: when you're uncool

HYPOTENEUSE: the sign on a dope smoker's door

HYSTERIA: a cross between a snake and a dog

INTELLIGENCE: male TV news presenters

INTRICATE: where the residents of Tricate live

JUGGERNAUT: an empty pitcher of beer

KALEIDOSCOPE: a device for watching car accidents from afar

LIABILITY: how good you can tell fibs

MANATEE: a golfer about to hit off

MANIPULATE: a guy with constipation

MIDGET: a small, very fast airplane

MINISCULE: a learning centre for midgets

MISANTHROPIST: playing darts when you're drunk

MISGUIDANCE: the prom

MISTAKE: when your sister gets kidnapped

MOUNTIES: Sherpa guides

MUSHROOM: the space at the back of a dog-sled

MUSIC: a flu that cows get

MYSTICAL: making a small girl laugh

NEIGHBOUR: a horse that lives next door

NICETIES: what rich golfers have

NEOPHYTE: a form of kick-boxing

OCCUPY: a pastry filled with squid

OLYMPICS: athletics competition for hospital patients

OZONE: another name for Area 51

PALTRY: underfed chooks

PANTECHNICON: what they'd sell if Nike and Levi mergered

PARAMOUNT: copulation whilst sky-diving

PASTORALE: what the minister drinks

PECANS: very cheap urinals

PERFECTION: what a cat feels when it rubs against your leg

PHOTOSYNTHESIS: what you write to get a degree in pornography

PILGRIMAGE: a 10 year old hooked on valium

POMEGRANATE: a statue of an Englishman

PROBATE: an undercover cop in the vice squad

PROTEINS: very young hookers

PYROMANIAC: someone with a pastry fetish

PYROTECHNIC: 22 oarsmen with 7 padlles

RACIST: a person addicted to betting on horses

REPERCUSSION: when a salesman bangs on your door

ROMANTIC: with your lover in a boat

ROUMANIA: the worldwide love of Skippy

RUDIMENTAL: imagining other people naked

SCARAB: a middle-easterner with a backpack

SCARCITY: a ghost town

SCARIFIER: the monster in a bedtime story

SEDATE: going out with a sailor

SKULDUGGERY: what a patient feels after brain surgery

SLIPPERY DIP: eel pate

SOCIETY: a group of needleworkers

STIFLE: a quantity of pigs

STYROFOAM: detergent for pig pens

SUPPLICATION: drinking tequila

SUSTENANCE: people behind in their rent

SYMPHONY: a mobile phone rip-off

SYNCHRINISED: when you watch has fallen overboard

TALIBAN: a punishment for kids

TARDY: how a road-worker comes home each day

TARTARE: a girl in the mile-high club

TEETOTAL: what happens when you fluff your golf shot

TERRA FIRMA: being scared stiff

TIRADE: a smash & grab on a neckwear store

TOXIC: a clock that runs slow

TUTANKHAMEN: the sign on a fancy farm gate

UPSTANDING: an alarm clock

WAMPUM: a heavy stick used by American Indians to hit their enemies

WILDEBEEST: when you leave all your money to your pet

more of my FUNNY STUFF here