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  Up the Creek - a funny Australian bush poem about fishing by Australian poet Graeme King - funny poems, sad poems, serious poems and romantic poems. Poems for children, nature poems and environment poems, flash poetry, fantasy poems, funny limericks and more ©kingpoetry2007.
 

UP THE CREEK

I don't write enough Australian funny bush poetry.

A  Friday night, a creek - and Bill and Pete were drinking beer,
they baited up their hooks and checked their reels,
the worms whizzed out and sunk, the men let out a muted cheer,
tomorrow morning's breakfast would be eels!

They'd trudged through half a mile of scrub to get to this here bend,
a deep and special secret fishing hole,
despite the whining of a wife and nags from one girlfriend
who both detested baked eel casserole!

"I think I've got a bite," said Bill, and lifted up his rod,
"Don't scare him off," said Pete, "let out some slack,"
"It don't feel like an eel," said Bill, "I reckon Murray Cod,"
"If that's the case," replied his mate, "attack!"

"I lost him," cried his friend, "I should have hooked him sharp and firm,
the next time I'll strike straight away, not wait,"
"You'll never get another bite unless you've got a worm -
I bet five bucks that bludger nicked your bait!"

An hour and several beers went by, then Pete's rod gave a jerk,
he picked it up and Bill said: "Hook 'im, son!"
a bit of line ran out and then the whole rod went berserk,
"Increase your drag," yelled Bill, "don't let him run!"

"The bugger feels enormous," Pete declared and cracked a grin,
"Just wait till they see this one down the pub -
the boys will still be there and so we may as well drop in,
they might appreciate a bit of grub."

The big eel slowly tired and Pete was gaining on the line,
he'd have it soon, it couldn't take much more,
they didn't see the python slither down a nearby pine
and head their way along the muddy shore.

Pete gave a heave, the giant eel was reefed up on the bank
and Bill exclaimed: "He's six feet long, by heck!"
it writhed around - the snake came in the dark along the flank
as Pete said: "Grab this eel, Bill, by the neck!"

Confusion reigned along the bank "I got him!" yelled out Bill,
Pete cut the tangled line and dropped his rod
then tried to grab its wriggling tail and cried "I'll slit its gill -
that ought to stop the squirmy slimy sod!"

He opened up his pocket knife - a present from his Mum,
and tried to hit the eel a mighty slash,
but sadly, as the eel revolved, he got poor Billy's thumb,
the knife flew out and landed with a splash.

"Don't let him go!" but Bill said: "I am dyin' - bloody hell!
I'm feelin' dizzy, must be loss of blood!"
He swayed a bit and then he toppled right into his pal,
the both of them went sprawling in the mud.

Pete grabbed both hands around the eel and squeezed with all his might,
Bill cried: "There's something on my foot I think!"
He kicked both legs and two nice rods sailed out into the night
and landed with a splash into the drink.

"You'll pay for that, you eel - I only bought that rod last week!
It cost a hundred bucks, for heaven's sake!"
Pete screamed this at the eel's fat face - then gave a mighty shriek -
cause staring back at him was one huge snake!

He tossed the python in the air and screeched to raise the dead,
poor Bill was in a daze but heard the scream,
the snake came down and landed squirming, on his hatless head,
he figured that this had to be a dream.

When Pete looked up and saw this monster round his best friend's neck
he knew he couldn't leave him to his fate,
he aimed a punch right at the snake, but missed, and hit the deck -
his elbow landing in their tin of bait.

He roared an oath (unprintable) then found his feet and lunged,
he crashed into the snake, and Bill as well,
they teetered on the edge and then the ledge broke and they plunged,
both cursing at the python as they fell.

There never was a risk that either mate would sink and drown,
as both could swim okay, the python, too,
they clambered up the bank, ran to their car and drove to town,
then walked into the pub, still soaked right through.

Well, Bill and Pete play lawn bowls now, don't fish for eels at all,
the pub believed their story - not a doubt,
the creek ledge that broke clean away and caused poor Bill to fall,
and hero Pete dived in and pulled him out!

 

more of my FUNNY POEMS here
 

Original pictures by Graeme King ©Kingpoetry2007  BACK to TOP

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