So, take a tip from Scratchy and kill all the cats you find,

then grab an Acme fork lift truck and dump 'em from your mind,

you know that you're a marvel, go and give them bloody hell,

a cartoon needs a punch line, and some people do as well.

Your Warner Brothers life is like a frame upon a frame,

and if you watch the background you will see it's all the same,

as Scoobie Doo and Yogi take the Flintstones for a ride,

you re-create the Jetsons in a magic carpet ride?

So Garfield craves lasagna? Never fiddle with the knobs,

don't see it so obliquely - like a Calvin, or a Hobbes,

be Hagar, be a Viking, and ignore reality,

go storm the cartoon castle, don't give up so easily.

Create a giant sandwich, say "good grief" and fly your kite,

ignore the rabbit, grab the tweety bird and hold it tight,

the King of Id will have your head should you forsake his name,

so grab your daily download, and enjoy your strip of fame.

Your bag of tricks won't help you if the Phantom comes to call,

you know that Mr. Weatherbee is waiting in the hall,

so why be such a Jughead? Be a Ritchie Rich, my friend,

go animate your life upon the screen - before it ends.