Crandle is a coin-collector, has been one for years,

he keeps them in a shoe box on the shelf,

when Crandle feels a craving after three too many beers,

he pours them on his naughty naked self.

Terry has some Barbies, sixty-two somebody said,

and likes to dress them up, the favored toy,

a different doll is chosen every night to take to bed,

the trouble is that Terry is a boy!

Kate's collecting conquests, she has ads upon the net,

she sells herself as "blonde and twenty-four,"

her pictures show her nearly nude, a lovely playboy pet,

a pity they're the girl who lives next door.

Tony has a train set, HO gauge and parralax,

he plays with it at night and makes a mess,

I can't begin to tell you what he ties on to the tracks -

he calls the game "My Nude Midnight Express."

Derek likes his painters and his walls are full of art,

impressionistic sex scenes, every one,

although he looks quite innocent, he's really such a tart,

and gets them as rewards for nights of fun.

I don't collect a thing, I'm not some psychopathic dork,

no baseball cards or autographs in sight,

I don't have thimbles, teaspoons, clocks or carvings made from cork,

I get off on the poems that I write!

More of my FUNNY POEMS HERE

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