Paula Persian twitched her tail testily.

“Honestly,” she intoned, “You’d think a grooming salon could get a manicure right!”

“Oh,” said Miriam Maltese, “You didn’t go to Felipe’s Fashionable Felines, did you?”

“Oh, Herrings, no!” purred Paula. “I wouldn’t go there if I had a hairball turn nasty! I went to Cyril’s Creations for Cats, and honestly, what a catastrophe!”

“Stop pussyfooting and tell us!”

“Well, look! The third claw on my left front paw is definitely shorter than the others! I don’t know if I can go out in public!”

“That’s nothing, kitten,” said Millicent Manx. “The receptionist at Leonardo’s Leonine Limber Studio actually double-booked my Tuesday 10:30!”

“No!”

“How awful! Oh, I suffer fur loss just thinking about it!”

Oh, I could have clawed her eyes out,” said Millicent. “Don’t these people realize who we are?”

“It’s just one let-down after another,” said Paula. “I’m going to exclusive myself to Peregrine’s Pampered Pets, they know how to treat a cat properly!”

How,” mewed Millicent, “Are we supposed to bring ribbons back from the Miss Miaow Pageant? We have to look our best!”

“By the way,” said Miriam in a low voice. “I hear from a reliable source that Ophelia Ocelot has been banned from entering the pageant!”

“No!”

“Yes, she tested positive for catnip!”

“Oh, honestly,” pouted Paula, “Who does she think she is? Maybe she could get away with that sort of game a few years ago, but she’s not a kitten any more, you know?”

“Let her eat mice!” growled Millicent. “I never liked her, really, not after she married Tom, and they went on that cruise.”

“Pass the anchovy pate, dear, thanks. I knew that marriage was doomed to fail, Tabbies are such bad husbands, always tomcatting around after dark.”

“He’s been seen with Angela Angora!”

“Eat rats! Truly?”

“I knew it!” said Paula, “She’s trouble with a capital T!”

“She did lose a lot of weight on that sardine diet.”

“I can’t stand that pilchard perfume she always wears.”

“I never wanted Tom, anyway,” said Millicent.

“Well, you lifted your tail every time you walked past him,” purred Miriam.

“Please, Ladies!” Mewed Paula, “Let’s not get catty!”

more of my FUNNY POEMS here