The doctor said: "The test results are in -

it's worse than we predicted, I'm afraid,"

Oh no! My head was turning in a spin,

my body felt like it had been betrayed.

"Your haemoglobin count is way too high,

white blood cells are a sickly shade of grey,

your lymphocytes are waving you goodbye,

your liver seems to be on holiday!

"No rhesus antigens were found at all,

your platelet count so low I couldn't see,

the thalassaemic factor's way too small -

your plasma's like a luke-warm cup of tea!

"The spherocytic count was quite a laugh,

aminos dominate your macrocytes,

thrombocytopes are only up to half,

you should have died a month ago, by rights!"

I gritted teeth and told myself: be strong -

don't let him see the agony of fear,

but then I broke and sobbed both loud and long,

he looked at me and said: "But you're still here!"

"Is there a cure?" I squeaked in mousey voice,

"some medication that would save my life?

Perhaps a transplant is a better choice -

you operate and save me with the knife?"

"Well no," he said, "those things won't do enough,

there's but one thing will save your life, I think -

but please be warned - it's long and hard and tough,"

I nodded, he went on: "Give up the drink!"

more of my FUNNY POEMS here