gathered round the dining table,
said: "I've news to tell you all:
great-aunt Sarah passed away last Monday,
ninety-three she heard the angels' call.
she made her jam out in the garage,
and sold it
at the annual county fair,
built a giant corporation,
away a multi-millionaire.
think that you realized her fortune,
she made a
pretty penny canning plums,
twenty-seven million left behind her."
quickly started doing sums.
Uncle Ernie, who was senile,
who was far too old to care,
just he and
Mother, with the seven children,
the nine of
them would take an equal share!
who'd have thought she had a treasure?
her last - oh, must be years ago,
the nerve to offer him employment,
want her help, and told her so.
sent a card on every birthday,
to say their "thank you's," but somehow
found the time to go and visit,
it didn't matter now!
So now he
could retire and live the good life,
craggy-faced old bag had done the trick,
phone call was so unexpected,
even known that she was sick!
cleared his throat, "I'll read the will now:
'To all my
loving relatives and kin,
I need to
make a very small confession:
As I am
writing this I wear a grin.
got up off your bums to visit,
wrote, or used the telephone,
these years, my nephews and my nieces
away, and I have been alone.
you didn't know about the money,
I kept that
part a secret, just to see,
if you had
known that I was worth a fortune
have hung around me constantly.
have been strewn - as per my wishes,
expected one of you to care,
states: "Any person at the funeral
will take it
all, my sole surviving heir."
can't tell the future, but I'll bet you
made it to the cemetery,
alone again, at my cremation,
no fuss, no
friends at all, no family.
part of my will is quite explicit,
guys, but you've missed out, you see,
all in cash, was in the coffin,
dears, it all burned up with me!'"
more of my