recall the BB gun I borrowed from my Pop
was just the tender age of nine,
the neighbor's windows out, he came round with a cop,
took the gun, my Father paid the fine.
I took up archery, it sounded rather good,
sporting store supplied me with a bow,
home in my backyard I did a scene from Robin Hood
two cats, a daschund and a crow.
the fine and sold the gear - the neighbors called me names,
a gun and joined the Pistol Club,
Stetson hat and cowboy boots I felt like Jesse James,
should have walked into that pub.
bikies playing snooker laughed, and called me "Jesse Jane"
targeted me with a snooker ball,
like lightning, shot it, then I cocked the gun again -
lucky the police had got the call...
the fine and lost the gun, so moved to Tennessee,
I got a
job with Peterson and Sons,
demolition company, quite big with TNT
made a bigger bang than stupid guns!
fourth came round and I was keen to do things right,
them I was really worth my pay,
doctored all the fireworks with plastic dynamite -
crater that it made's still there today!
the fine and headed east - Canaveral looked okay,
thought that my idea was the best,
proton-plasma tri-synthetic deadly laser ray,
sent me into orbit for a test.
happened on the way up into space I'll never know,
burned up at twice the promised rate,
enough to get back I asked NASA for a tow,
Houston said I'd simply have to wait!
this wasn't yesterday, I'm not on your TV,
happened back in Nineteen Sixty-nine,
still in space; please steal a shuttle, quick as you can be,
rescue me - I'll even pay the fine!
more of my
FUNNY POEMS here