They raised my rent per week which

sent my budget up the creek so

then I met a girl in church that very Sunday,

she came from Tel Aviv and

hadn't anywhere to live she

gave me fifty bucks and moved in on the Monday.

She called herself Suzette and

wore a silver amulet that

she had stolen from a gypsy belly dancer,

with studs in both her ears she

told me of her early years and

how she lost her Mum and Dad to Christian cancer.

She drank imported beer I

thought her diet rather queer but

then apart from that I couldn't really fault her,

it's good I'm not a prude as

she preferred life as a nude and

readied meals at what she loved to call "the altar."

I thought it fairly strange when

she decided to arrange my

socks and undies in a zodiac formation,

I should have smelled a rat the

night she crucified my cat but

she repaid me with a week of fornication.

One day I heard a boom and

so I burst into her room to

find her with a small revolver that was smoking,

she aimed between my eyes and

told me "everybody dies" which

had me praying hard that she was only joking!

The trigger gave a click that's

when I knew that she was sick but

out of luck because her silver bullet missed me,

she looked at me in awe then

stripped her body to the raw and

then she pulled me down upon the bed and kissed me.

I should have said goodbye but

saw the teardrops in her eye and

I was sure that her remorse was on the level,

I said it was okay and

then she asked if we could pray but

when I got down on my knees I saw the devil!

It didn't take that long I

should have seen that things were wrong my

life was slowly getting shadowed and nocturnal,

my sanity was cracked in

blood I signed her carnal pact now

I reside in hell in agony eternal.

So hearken to my tale if

your religious zeal is frail and

life is bent and something that you need to straighten,

the other sex is nice but

if you listen my advice is

find a Christian girl - not one who worships Satan!

more of my FUNNY POEMS here